Truth about my body.
Truth about my Body. Story where I bare it all.
In the About section on the website, I spoke about growing up in Ukraine, where women were oversexualized, objectified, and often seen as subordinate to men. It was common—and disturbingly accepted—for married men in their 40s, 50s, or 60s to have a young lover—a beautiful mistress they’d financially care for.
This part of my culture made me feel physically sick.
And now comes the toughest part of my sharing: a part about my father.
As a father, I couldn’t have wished for a more devoted, loving, caring, and empowering dad. But as a husband, it was a different story.I lost count of his infidelities long before I turned 17.
The one that completely broke me and my mother was the one with my close friend—she was 18 at the time, I was 16.
My mother endured it all and stayed loyal to him, and they are still together.
I carried unbearable shame, anger, resentment, humiliation, sneak of unworthiness, and unimaginable hurt.
I left Ukraine at 21. I couldn’t bear family affairs any longer, so I tried to run as far away from it all as I could—only to discover, many years later, that I had carried it all with me.
I moved in with my boyfriend at the time, who was a lovely guy on many levels, but emotionally unavailable and as I found out later suffered from serious porn addiction. It opened up all the wounds of rejection, abandonment, unworthiness and not being enough in me. I had no tools or practices to face my deepest fears and sit with it all, so instead- it send me into a total spin of abusing alcohol and having an affair to prove myself I was desirable and attractive.
My body paid the ultimate price.
In my mid-20s, I decided I wouldn’t be one of those women who get cheated on and replaced by a younger version as they grow older. I had breast enlargement, going from a 34B to a 34C.
The irony is that I met my husband in my early 30s—and of course, I energetically attracted a version of my dad. I had to face the very same thing that run through my feminine lineage - infidelity and betrayal. I cried my eyes out and laughed at the same time at how Spirit works its way. How it was always about facing my deepest fears, my darkest traumas, and finding my way back to wholeness and sacredness within.
No matter how much I altered my body, the pattern would keep repeating itself until I reconnected with the one within me—through radical self-love, forgiveness and acceptance.
So I embarked on my journey of healing, feminine embodiment, and reclamation.
I forgave my dad as I learned to understand the complexity of his own trauma as an adopted but unloved child, and the trauma of my mother, who suffered from severe abandonment by her own father and a strict mother.
I learned to find compassion for the younger version of myself who felt the need to alter my body to protect herself from future hurt and to feel worthy. I learned to fiercely love and choose myself over and over again, and settle only for the one who sees the sacredness and honours Divine Feminine within me.
The rest is history. Three and a half years ago, I met my beloved, my ultimate soul mate who went through a very similar story of dismantling of long term relationship and single parenting. We just got engaged. Together we are raising our children in a blended family and offering spaces of healing and powerful inner transformation through sound, breath and meditation.
We all carry many stories—some are visible on our bodies, others are hidden beneath the skin. Mine happens to be both.
My journey has been one of deep initiation, devotion, self-mastery and transformation. I’m dedicated to feminine embodiment and reclamation work and supporting other women in cultivating relationships with their bodies in the way that honours their feminine energy, their sacredness, and their power—because I wish I had someone guiding me on the path, offering me tools and resources, when I needed it so badly.
🌹Vistara Feminine Embodiment School
is the sacred fruit of this journey — a sanctuary where women can remember, reclaim, and rise in their feminine power. Here, we honour the body and womb as sacred.🌹
